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Many Happy Returns/Transcript
Prologue HENRY (at graveside): A lot of us are still in shock about the tragic events that have brought us here. The loss of Walter and Susan Perkins forces us to question if the work we do is worth the risks. Eureka was born from the idealistic vision that by advancing science, we can control it for the greater good. Clearly, that's not always the case. We can never forget Walter and Susan. Their legacy is in our hands now. Their friends, their family. Their son. Walter and Susan, you will be greatly missed. ALLISON: I still don't get it. JACK: What's that? ALLISON: Susan committing suicide. I mean, I know it sounds callous, but I don't care how bad things are, once you have a kid, you don't get to just check out. JACK: Well. My daughter Zoe said pretty much the same thing to me when I told her I was being transferred to Eureka. ALLISON: Taking your life and taking a job are hardly the same thing. JACK: In this town? Not so sure. Oh. JACK (on the phone): I don't need you to tell me that I don't have a place to put my stuff. I know that! Well, the question is, where is my stuff that I don't have anywhere to put? JO (answering another phone): Lupo. JACK: Yeah, yeah, I know. Tracking numbers and corporate policy, but there's a ... JO: It's for you. JACK :Yeah, could you take a message, please? JO: No. It sounds urgent. JACK: Hang on. (hits flash button) Hello, Jack Carter. Really? A ghost. Very mature. Look, it's very convincing, but I get it, haze the new guy, big laughs. I gotta go. (goes back to first call) Hello, yeah. Hello? You still there? Oh, come on. Great. Thank you, Jo. I think I may have lost my only chance of getting my stuff back because I had to take a crank call about a haunting. JO: I didn't set that up. JACK: Yeah? I should believe you, why? JO: Carter, this is a town full of scientists. Everyone knows there's no such thing as ghosts. SUSAN: Where is Walter? JACK: Um You were saying? Act One (at Sheriff's office) JACK: I'm not sure this will all get worked out, Mrs. Perkins. SUSAN: I need to see Walter now. Walter was obviously trying to hurt me. And when I ... What? What are you all staring at? JACK: Sorry if we seem a little unnerved, but we just buried you this morning. SUSAN: You're unnerved? My parents called me in hysterics, because they got an invitation to my funeral, and a message saying that they had a grandson who needs a home. Which was all a big surprise to me, seeing as how I'm not dead and I've never had a child. JACK: Yeah, you win. ALLISON: We're just trying to figure out what's going on. SUSAN: Then get Walter in here and ask him. ALLISON: You didn't tell her? JACK: I was getting to it. SUSAN: "Tell her" what? JACK: Walter's dead. SUSAN: Walter's dead? JACK: Yeah, he sort of, blew himself up. SUSAN: Oh, my God. What? You're not joking? ALLISON: I'm sorry, Susan. JO: Hold on. If she's Susan Perkins, then who did we ... SUSAN: You're staring again. JACK: Yeah, do you mind if I ask you how you and Walter met? SUSAN: I was a grad student at MIT. He was a post-doc. We got married right after graduation, and he wanted to start a family, but I wasn't ready. One morning this guy came to the door and wanted to talk to Walter about some top-secret job. He wanted to go, I wanted to stay. So we separated. JACK: You do realize we are gonna have to verify that so we can sort this thing out. SUSAN: How long is that gonna take? JACK: I'm not really sure. It's not like we have a standard form to undead you. JO: (clears throat) JACK: Tell me you're kidding. JO: 924 slash B. In triplicate. ALLISON: We'll still need to confirm your identity. SUSAN: How are you gonna do that? JACK: We're gonna do a DNA test. ALLISON: Oh, we can do better than that. But we're still gonna need to do some digging. JACK: Oh, you mean I gotta go back to the ... ALLISON: Yes. JACK: Well, someone's gotta get me ... ALLISON: That's right. SUSAN: Just do what you have to do. I just wanna get back to my normal life. JACK: Yeah, I can relate. (nighttime, at cemetery) JACK: County Coroner, huh? HENRY: Board certified. Oh. Pretty cool, huh? I call it an Omniversal Remote. I can run all this equipment by remote control. JACK: That's super, Henry. Can we just hurry it up? I'm not a big fan of cemeteries. HENRY: Oh. One too many Romero movies, huh? JACK: One too many funerals. HENRY: Oh! Oh! That's crazy. I mean, something's actually interfering with the frequency. JACK: Pull the batteries! HENRY: What? JACK: Pull the battery! Ought to keep things quiet. HENRY: I guess I got a few more kinks to work out. JACK: Hmm. Well, just see if you can get the body to Global Dynamics without alerting the entire town. I'm going over there now to see Allison. HENRY: Batteries. Now, why didn't I think of that? (nighttime, at Global Dynamics) PA ANNOUNCER: Global Dynamics, Satellite Five, online in three. Global Dynamics, Satellite Five, online in three. JACK: So you met the new director yet? ALLISON: Not yet. He just arrived. Global Dynamics is under DARPA jurisdiction and they get a little crazy about sharing information, hence our visit. JACK: What's DARPA? ALLISON: The Defense Advanced Research Project Agency. It's the central research arm of the D. O. D. JACK: Okay, so why am I here? ALLISON: Well, you wanna use the new molecular bio-scanner on Susan Perkins' body and this new woman, right? JACK: Maybe. ALLISON: Yeah, well, all requests to use laboratory resources for police applications must be submitted to the Director of Research. JACK: Who we haven't met yet. ALLISON: Exactly. Nathan? NATHAN: Allison. I swear I was just about to call you. ALLISON: What are you doing here? You're not ... NATHAN: Afraid so. ALLISON: You're moving back to Eureka? NATHAN: Moved, actually. Yesterday. Same office, same house. Surprise! I probably should've called sooner. ALLISON: Probably. NATHAN: You must be the new sheriff I've heard so much about. Nathan Stark. JACK: Jack, Carter. So, you two used to work together? NATHAN: I mainly work with her son Kevin, but Allie and I had our moments. JACK: Anyway, I was looking into something and wanted to know if I could use your bio scanner-molecule-thingy. NATHAN: Of course, anything I can do to help. FARGO: Excuse me, Dr. Stark. Maggie's taking care of your parking space and the new furniture will be delivered tomorrow. NATHAN: A lot to catch up on. Sheriff, it's been a pleasure. Allison, it's good to see you. JACK: So you two have a history? ALLISON: You could say that. JACK: What, ex-boyfriend? ALLISON: Not exactly. JACK: Well, what exactly? ALLISON: He's my husband. (Jo and Susan driving) SUSAN: Thanks for letting me stay with you. JO: Just don't tell the sheriff that I've got a spare bedroom, okay? SUSAN: Oh, my God! JO: What, did you see something? If you did, there's this form that I gotta get you to sign, so ... SUSAN: No. It's our house. Wait. Pull over. JO: This is your house. I mean, Susan Perkins' house. But how did you know? SUSAN: Before Walter and I split up, we were planning to build our dream home. This is it. It's exactly the same. I even picked that wallpaper. This is unreal! It's me, but But it isn't. This is their son? JO: Hey, Susan, maybe this isn't such a good idea. SUSAN: This can't be happening. (nighttime, at Allison's house) ALLISON: Kevin, honey, five more minutes, then it's time for bed, okay? KEVIN: Five minutes. 300 seconds. 7:30 pm. BRIAN: How does he do that? ALLISON: Well, his brain just works differently than other people. KEVIN: I miss my mom and dad. ALLISON: I know, honey, it's hard to lose the people we love. But, it does get better. And the important thing to remember is that they loved you very much. KEVIN: My mom dropped me at school. She said she'd be back to get me, but she never came. ALLISON: I know she would've been there if she could've. Okay? Tomorrow's gonna be a better day. Act Two (nighttime, at the Sheriff's office) JACK: Freeze! Don't move! FARGO: Evening, Sheriff Carter. JACK: Fargo. How ... I thought I locked the door. FARGO: Yeah, no. It doesn't work. Sheriff Cobb always had an open door policy. You might wanna be careful with this. It's a portable generator. JACK: So? FARGO: A fission-powered portable generator. JACK: Okay. Don't sleep on the nuclear powered device. Good safety tip. Fargo, what do you want? It's 10:30 at night. FARGO: Actually, I'm here to help you. I heard you were looking for a place to stay, and I'm involved in a little project that I think you may find interesting. JACK: Really? What kind of project? (nighttime, outside of a bunker) FARGO: Almost there. JACK: Can I open my eyes yet? FARGO: Okay. Behold. The home of the future. (coyote howling in distance) FARGO: Come on! All right, watch your step. (inside, going down stairs) JACK: I'm going back to my cell. FARGO: Oh, come on, Sheriff. Just take a look. I know she's not much from the outside, but I promise, once you get to know SARAH, you'll love her. JACK: Who's Sarah? FARGO: SARAH, open door. JACK: Fargo, I don't know if this is a good idea ... FARGO: Lights, moderate. Music, jazz, soft. Fireplace. SARAH: Welcome. JACK: Okay, what's that? FARGO: That was SARAH. SARAH: Self-Actuated Residential Automated Habitat. SARAH for short. JACK: Fargo? Is that you talking like a girl? FARGO: No, it's the Smart House. A state-of-the-art model home designed to anticipate its owner's every need and desire. Of course, it'll take some time to learn all of your personal preferences. JACK: Well, my preference right now is to have a house that isn't radioactive. FARGO: Well, it used to be a nuclear disaster bunker. But don't worry, the rad levels are well within normal. JACK: That's great. FARGO: The telecommunications system is linked directly to your office. And the skeleton profile has been programmed into the mainframe. Bathroom. JACK: Oh, Fargo, you gotta get yourself a girlfriend. FARGO: There's a 24-hour helpline if you run into any problems. SARAH, door. I'll come check in on you tomorrow. JACK: Fargo. If this house is so great, why is it sitting here vacant? FARGO: SARAH, door. Sleep tight. JACK: Oh, no. I'm a human guinea pig. So, SARAH, is it? SARAH: That's correct, Sheriff Carter. JACK: Uh-huh. Can you see me? SARAH: Yes, Sheriff Carter. JACK: Terrific. I'm gonna need a drink. Okay, where's the fridge? SARAH: Please, allow me. There's cold beer available on tap. Dr. Fargo says you like baseball. I recorded the Indiana game for you. JACK: Really? TV ANNOUNCER: Top of the eighth inning now in a tight ballgame, one all, Martinez to lead off. And he jumps on the first pitch by Henderson, Coffey to field it, but Martinez is safely aboard with a single to left to start off ... JACK: SARAH, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. (daytime, Allison's house) ALLISON: Kevin! Brian! Rise and shine, sleepyheads. You're gonna be late for school. Hey, guys, it's time ... Kevin? Kevin, sweetie. Did you have a bad dream? (daytime, SARAH) SARAH: Time to get up! JACK: What? SARAH: You had 837 hours' sleep. JACK: Yeah, well, that's Why are you yelling at me? SARAH: Am I talking loud? JACK: Yes! You're talking SARAH, turn it off! SARAH: It doesn't seem like I'm talking loud. FARGO: SARAH! Smart House Tech Support, how may I assist you? JACK: I'm having technical difficulties. FARGO: Well, I'd be happy to help you with that, sir. Can I please have your name? JACK: Fargo, is that you? FARGO: One moment, sir, while I transfer the call. Douglas Fargo speaking. JACK: You don't say! FARGO: Sheriff Carter, how is everything? SARAH: Your shower is ready, Sheriff. JACK: Well, your house is yelling at me. FARGO: Hold on. Well, that's weird. There's been a power surge. It reset the clock and threw off the settings. There, is that any better? A perfect 39 megahertz. Just how you like it. JACK: Yes. Yeah, thank you. Now, if we could do something about the voice. FARGO: Sorry, it's temp audio. Just waiting to hear back from Sarah Michelle Gellar's people. Rrrowwlll ... JACK: I don't even know how to respond to that. SARAH: Just a reminder. Susan Perkins' bio-scan, today, 9:00 a.m. JACK: I thought this was the bathroom? SARAH: It is, Sheriff. JACK: Well, see, now you're just showing off. What's that? SARAH: I have over 200 newspapers and magazines available, if you'd like something to read. JACK: Good God! I might never leave. SARAH, do you mind? (at Global Dynamics) Okay, Mrs. Perkins, we're ready for your bio-scan. Now just hold still, this won't take long. SUSAN: I'm over here, jackass. Sorry. Here we go. So now this'll tell us if the new Susan is identical to the one that we buried? Even more accurate than a DNA test. JACK: Allison. Hi. JACK: You okay? Yeah, yeah. Nathan and I just got into it last night, and Kevin had a nightmare, he did all these terrifying ghost drawings and You know, forget it, it's nothing. JACK: Okay. So, Kevin isn't Stark's son? No. JACK: But you guys are still married? You're awfully curious. JACK: I'm a cop, it's my nature. Look, Nathan and I separated last year. We just haven't gotten down to the final paperwork. What's with the look? JACK: There was no look. There was a look. JACK: None of my business. That's right. You're not gonna believe this. Oh, they're both Susan Perkins. Down to the last protein chain. Chromosomes, cell differentiation. I mean all the markers are identical. How did you know? I was reading Walter's personnel file last night. Guess what the subject of his first dissertation was? Stem cell replication. Are you saying that Walter cloned his wife? Not exactly. Walter went way beyond cloning. He recreated Susan cell by cell as a full-grown adult. I mean, she may look those tissues can't be more than seven years old. Tops. A year older than her son, that's creepy. Susan was right. Walter wanted a family, with her or with her. Memo to file. All Section Five projects seem to be in order. First priority will be redoubling all security measures to avoid similar breaches in security in the future. Hello? Someone there? That's why you collapsed? An electrolyte imbalance? I'm just telling you what the doctors told me. And they have no idea what caused it. Yes. My electrolytes are out of balance. Oh, Nathan. Don't worry, I'm fine. Who said I was worried? Wishful thinking. Yeah. Susan Perkins is asking for you. Henry told her about the whole uber-clone thing. I have to go deal with this. I don't think I'm going anywhere. Come on. Sheriff. Talk to you for a sec? Sure. Yeah, okay. I'll catch up. Okay. How you doing, Sheriff? JACK: Pretty good. Shouldn't you be staying in bed? No. I should be getting back to work. I didn't wanna say anything with Allison still in the room. JACK: Hey, listen, I think you got the wrong impression. I saw something. Something I'd like to keep between us? JACK: Oh. Oh, okay. There was an electrical problem with the computers. And then I saw something. A figure. JACK: Are you saying someone was in your office? Not someone, something. It wasn't entirely corporeal. JACK: Corporeal? Physical. JACK: There and not there at the same time? Are you saying you saw a ghost? Sheriff, Director of Research at the most advanced scientific facility in the world doesn't see ghosts. No. Yeah. I'll check it out. Thanks. So, you sleeping with her? Excuse me? You said I'd gotten the wrong impression. I assumed you were talking about my wife. Not that I have any right to ask. You're right, you don't. You're not. But you'd like to. I'll let you know if I get anywhere. With the ghost, I mean. Yeah. JACK: Tell me, Henry, you're a scientist. You believe in ghosts? Well, I believe in energy. When somebody dies, that energy has to go somewhere. So theoretically, I suppose it's possible. Why? The topic's come up a few times. Where are we taking her, anyway? Cryogenics. She's gonna be the focus of a lot of interest. Wow! Jeez! What's the mortality rate around here? Twice the national average. The bigger the science, the bigger the risks. But none of these are local. We have them shipped in for research. JACK: Hello? Hello, Sheriff Carter. It's SARAH. JACK: Sorry, who's this? Your house. JACK: Oh. Um I'm waist-deep in bodies at the moment, so Sorry to bother you, but your wife, Abbey, called from Los Angeles. She wanted to let you know that your daughter, Zoe, didn't come home last night. Carter: There's a shocker. She also said something about you shirking your responsibilities as a husband and a father. I recorded the conversation if you'd like me to play it back for you. JACK: About the recordings, no more recordings. My private life isn't a reality show. Whatever you say, Sheriff. JACK: SARAH? SARAH: Yes, Sheriff? JACK: Is there a camera in my bedroom? SARAH: Certainly. I monitor all areas of the house for Dr. Fargo's data collection. Would you like me to patch him in? JACK: No. No. I'll be seeing Dr. Fargo in person later. Thanks. SARAH: Will you be home for dinner? JACK: I guess so. SARAH: Wonderful! I'm making pot roast. Your favorite, right? Don't be late. Pretty mind-boggling, huh? Yeah. Henry, I need to see a geek about a ghost. Right this way. There is something very wrong with you people. Believe me, Susan, no one knew what Walter had done. I'm as surprised as you are. Oh, I seriously doubt that. I think the important thing now is to decide where you go from here. My ex-husband cloned me, moved her into our dream house and had a child with her. Where I'm going is home to put this insanity behind me. Oh. Yes! I am Susan Perkins. Back from the grave. Everyone take a good look. You feel better now? Yeah, a little. So, listen, your records have all been cleared. You can leave anytime you want. I just wish that you would SUSAN: I know what you're gonna say. I appreciate the concern you have for that boy. Really. But he's not mine, Miss Blake, and no amount of science is gonna change that. I know, but SUSAN: he My mind is made up. I need to go home. Fine, I'll drive you back to your car. Act Three (daytime, at Global Dynamics) JACK: Where's the video, Fargo? FARGO: I dumped all the video in the trash. Please don't hit me. JACK: Where is it? HENRY: Carter. JACK: What? JO: What are you, Amish? The computer. JACK: Oh. Can you get it back? FARGO: Sure. Why? JACK: I need you to pull up the tape from yesterday. FARGO: No problem. The surveillance cameras are on 24/7. JACK: Okay. A: That stops now. And B: Pull up the footage from my bedroom from around the time of the power surge. If this goes on the Internet, you're a dead man. JO: What the hell is that? JACK: There was a power surge at my house that screwed up the computers. Stark, before he blacked out, he said that his computers went haywire, too, and then he saw a figure. I'm betting that's it. HENRY: I guess that answers your question about ghosts. JACK: Okay! Freeze it there. FARGO: That's weird, it disappeared. JACK: Move it forward, slowly. HENRY: It's probably moving too fast for our eyes to pick it up. JACK: There! Back up. There's our ghost. HENRY: Is that who I think it is? FARGO: Unreal. JACK: Now we just got to find him again. JO: And how are we supposed to do that? JACK: That remote of yours, that's for scanning electronic frequencies, right? HENRY: Yeah. JACK: Do ghosts have frequencies? HENRY: Oh. We're gonna need a bigger battery. (daytime, Allison and Susan driving up to a school) SUSAN: I thought you were taking me back to my car. I told you, I can't do this. ALLISON: Susan, look, I know that this is a lot to handle. But like it or not, there is a boy out there who is biologically your child. You don't have to get out of the car, you don't even have to talk to him. But do you really wanna walk away without ever even seeing him? SUSAN: There he is. ALLISON: I have a son, Kevin. His father died right before he was born. We don't get many second chances. SUSAN: Okay. Mmm. I've seen him, can we go now? Really, Miss Blake, this is ALLISON: It's not me. SUSAN: What? ALLISON: Oh, my God! SUSAN: What is that? ALLISON: My son's nightmare. (inside the school) SUSAN: Get these kids out of here. Brian! Get out of here! Get out! Brian, get out! No! You stay the hell away from him. BRIAN: Mom! You came back! SUSAN: Just stay behind me, honey. And you so help me, you ... Walter? Walter, is that really you? JACK: Stop! Don't touch him! It's okay, Walter. We're here to help. (at Global Dynamics) BEVERLY: He doesn't seem to remember much before the accident. But we may never know exactly what happened. NATHAN: How convenient for him. SUSAN: I, I don't understand how this happened. HENRY: Walter created a machine that caused a temporal implosion. When he tried to fix it, there was a cascading effect, and he got caught in the blast. SUSAN: That sounds like Walter. HENRY: Well, we all assumed that he was dead. It turned out he'd just been shunted off into another time stream. Essentially stuck between seconds. This device should stabilize him. SUSAN: Why? WALTER: I missed you. BRIAN: I missed you, too, Mom. SUSAN: I know you did. BRIAN: Can we all go home now? JACK: So what happens now? ALLISON: Temporal rehabilitation. JACK: What? ALLISON: Think physical therapy, but a whole lot more expensive. JACK: Oh. I was talking about Susan. You think she's gonna stay? ALLISON: For Brian's sake, I hope so. JACK: Yeah. Wow. I thought my family was dysfunctional. NATHAN: Allison, can I have a word with you? ALLISON: I guess I better go. JACK: Oh, yeah. Yeah, I got to fill out a report on this anyway, and I still don't know how to spell corporeal, so ... HENRY: C-O-R-P-O-R-E-A-L. JACK: Get some rest, huh? And tell your husband I'm glad he's feeling better. ALLISON: Yeah. JACK: Yeah. JO: Carter! Carter, I'm glad I caught you. There's something you should probably know JACK: Is it life-threatening? JO: Huh? JACK: Does it have anything to do with a hole in time, or clones or does it have global consequences? JO: Well, no. But it's JACK: Okay. Then whatever it is, it can wait till tomorrow. Huh? JO: You're the boss. JACK: That's right. I am the boss. Epilogue JACK: Open the door. SARAH: Due to technical difficulties, I cannot visually confirm identity at this time. Okay. Okay, listen to my voice. Right? It's me, Jack Carter! SARAH: I'm sorry. Voice-recognition imprint is currently offline. And in the future, when someone says they'll be home for dinner and they're running late, it's polite to call. JACK: You're joking! You're mad at me? SARAH: Sorry, but I'm not programmed for that emotion at this time. JACK: I'm gonna kill Fargo! I'm sorry. It won't happen again. Now, I promise. SARAH, uh, lights, fireplace, music. SARAH: If you're hungry, I can reheat dinner. JACK: Oh, no, just You know, if I could just have a moment to myself. I've been dealing with other people's problems all day, and, you know, I'd really like a couple minutes of peace. SARAH: All you had to do was ask. JACK: Oh! Oh, Yeah. (knocking sound) JACK: Just a minute. I swear, if this is another Susan Perkins. Listen, I don't mean to be rude ... ZOE: Hi, Dad! You know, your yard needs a lot of work. JO: Turns out it couldn't wait till tomorrow. Have a good night. ZOE: Sweet pad. Where's my room? Category:Transcripts